CHANGES IN OUR LIVES BEGIN WITH US!

For those who know me personally, once my son entered Kindergarten his behavior in school was completely out of control and unmanageable.  I did everything I could think of, I had him repeat scriptures in the morning, we talked, I would discipline, spank, punish, yell, scream.  Things are much better today but then, I was angry, frustrated, at my wits end with this precious child of mine.  I did seek professional help and he attends group and one on on therapy sessions.

But....recently, I picked up a book I'd began reading years ago, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and I had an aha moment.  In order to truly see changes in my sons behavior, I had to change my own.  Change how? Change my approach, my response, my energy, my attitude.  I had to approach the situation calmly, with a loving, unconditional heart.  I had to realize a lot of his behaviors are mirror images of my own and other adults in his life.  Ouch!!!!!  I think that is the hardest aspect of change for many people, the fact they have to self-examine.  They have to look inside themselves and change from the inside out.  Maybe the most difficult is admitting the fact that they need to change, that it is self and not others that are the "problem".  

For those of us in the work force, I'm sure many have had at least 1 manager that was not a good manager yet alone a leader.  The manager was simply focused on results, how to get the desired results, they used fear, strict rules, and their focus was on getting the final product as opposed to developing the individual, gaining their trust, loyalty, respect, and nurturing their talent.  Well, that same comparison was posed in the book, as a parent are you a manager or a leader?

Leaders lead by example.  If I don't want my son flying off the handle and getting upset, I can't do it.  If I want my son to have faith, I must have it.  If I want my son to eat healthy and exercise, I must do so.  If I want my so to be thankful in everything and not complain, I must do so.  If I want my son to read and enjoy reading, he must see me reading leisurely.  No matter what we tell our children and what we teach them, they are watching us, what we do and they will grow up to do many of the things they've seen us do throughout their life time.  The old saying, do as I say not as I do, isn't effective in the long run. So I ask you the question, as a parent are you an effective leader or simply a manager?

Now this parenting thing is a learning process and there is no full proof 100% plan but their are some basic principles that can be applied, give unconditional love, discipline, listen to your children, spend quality time, encourage, motivate, get them involved and be involved etc.

What I can tell you is once I became more calm in my spirit, worried less about what others thought of me as a parent or my child as an individual, as I take the time to care more about his fragile self-esteem, growth, and development; he is slowly changing for the better.  Or it could just simply be my outlook on the situation and the fact that he is getting older.  Now of course he still becomes angry, gets upset and flys off the handle sometimes BUT he is a work in progress and I take full responsibility for the EXAMPLE I've been and the EXAMPLE that I now choose to be.  And those outburst are becoming few and far between.  Funny, he was diagnosed with ADHD. We attended a therapy session on Monday and the psychologist was shocked that he'd only had 1 "episode" since returning back to school a week or so ago.  I wasn't shocked as I know medication is not the answer.  I don't want to numb my son,  I want to help my son become a productive, loving, faith filled, peaceful, kind, self-controlled man, NATURALLY!!!!!! So he now starts his day with yoga and devotion, we listen to gospel music on his way to school, and the last thing he hears me say is have a great day, I love you!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  Had I continued to approach the situation as I did originally, only focusing on changing my child and not working on self, I'm sure we wouldn't be progressing as we are.  As a parent, lover, friend, child, whatever your relationship with someone.  The only thing you have control over is yourself.  Someone tweeted one day, how do you plan to control your children when you have yet to Master yourself? So my focus, Master myself, my emotions, my reactions and be an example for my son.

"You must be the master of your emotions, if you wish to live in peace, for he who can control himself, becomes free." via @TheGodLight

"The only person over whom you have direct and immediate control s your self.  The most important assets to develop, preserve, and enhance, therefore, are your capabilities.  And no one can do it for you.  You must cultivate the habits of leadership effectiveness yourself and doing so will be the single best investment you'll ever make." Stephen R. Covey

There is a scripture in the bible that says you will know a tree by its fruit, well I read the other day, "you can't change the fruit without changing the root!"

Be a blessing and be blessed! Peace! Love! Joy! Happiness! Self-Control!