At the conference during lunch I was able to meet and speak with a couple of ladies. One of the women said something that I have heard many single mothers say before and have said myself.
She spoke to me of how it gets frustrating and difficult, how she becomes tired and is in need of finding balance in her life. She also mentioned how it is unfair for her to have to raise her son alone.
I completely understood where she was coming from. And realize that a lot of single mothers feel that way.
I tell women, When you make the decision to have a child make the decision because you want to have a child. Not because your mom wants grandchildren, or because your boyfriend wants a baby. As the brunt of the responsibility for the children falls on the mother (married or not).
When you decide to become a mother you are deciding to give up your life for the life of your child. You are deciding to put certain things on hold/give them up for the sake of your child. In essence you are making a commitment to put your child 1st in your life.
As mothers we carry our children for 9 months and birth them. Trust and believe that there is no love like the love a mother has for her child. The love that we have and the joy we experience we want our child's father to share in and feel the same way.
While there are countless fathers that step up to the plate everyday and our great parents. As well as those fathers who are raising their children alone or doing more of the raising than the mother.
There are also men who completely walk away or they parent when it is convenient for them. As a single mother this can be frustrating, this may anger you...
I ask you as you read these words to accept and believe what I am saying
- do not argue with your child's father
- do not try to dictate what type of father he should be
- do not bad mouth the father in front of or around the child nor allow others to do so
- pray for your child's father
- pray for the relationship that your child has with his father
- meditate on the scriptures that God looks after children and fools, and also that God is a father to the fatherless
I have been there, had knock out drag out arguments with my sons father. I have dealt with the issue of if you date me I will be the model parent if you don't date me I will do as I please. Truth be told they are going to do what they want regardless. I deal with a father that comes around when he wants and calls when he wants. Nevertheless my son didn't choose his father, I did and I knew what type of person he was before I decided to have a child with him so there are some things that I have to just accept. I cannot make my sons father be the model parent, I cannot make him have regular visits etc.
What I have done is left the door open for my sons father to parent as he sees fit. In the end when my sons grows older he will know who was with him, who was always there for him etc. I don't have to say a word.
Anytime he goes and spends time with his dad I ask him how his day was and he gets excited explaining all of the things he and his father did. I end up by telling him what a great father he has! Speak those things that be not as though they were. My sons father has a lot of great qualities and some that need work as do I.
Nevertheless I came to learn that the only person we can control and change is ourselves. I have come to learn that I am not and will never be the perfect parent. As the custodial parent the brunt of the responsibility is mine and mine alone. Which I accept glady and cheerfully as God has bestowed this great responsibility upon me.
This is the time to accept your situation without complaining. This is the time to embrace your life as a single mom and pour into and love your child as much as you can. Surround your child with positive role models and pray and speak over your child daily. Come up with a plan/schedule daily, weekly, monthly. Find balance in being a single mom as well as being the woman whom you are. Definitely take time for yourself regularly. If you are not 100% or happy you cannot be the best mom. If you are not rejuvinated, renewed, and restored you cannot be the best mother.We must understand that God intended for children to be born in wedlock to a mother and a father. As single mothers we have to realize that having children out of wedlock is out of the Will of God. Does this mean that we are doomed to have dead beat dads or that we will be punished for that sin for the rest of our lives. Of course not, I am saying however we have to recognize that we have chosen to take the bumpy road.
Take heart in knowing that all things work together for the good of those whom love Him. God has great things in store for you and your children. God has plans to prosper you all and give you hope and a future. He never puts more on you than you can bear. He is your shepherd and you shall not be in want.
Take courage and be of good cheer for your name is VICTORY. I see your children as god fearing, godly men/women of God, faith filled if only the size of a mustard seed, good citizens, filled with the fruit of the Spirit, whose beliefs, principles, morals, and life are rooted in the Word of God and in Jesus Christ. I speak life right now into your life and the life of your child. Believe it and receive it.
Be a blessing and be blessed,